I know I promised I would be back...and here I am.
Just opened my mail this morning and amongst the usual credit card offers, book club invitations and bills I received a letter from a friend. Now being a traditional sort of chap I always enjoy the thrill of good old fashioned written correspondence.
But sadly not this one. Why's that Dave? I hear you ask.
Well pull up a chair and I'll tell you.
I have friends spread far and wide across the world...in many different countries and continents. In the USA, Egypt, Spain, Belgium and France to name but a few. This letter however eminated from much closer to home...a hundred or so miles to be precise.
Now as this friend lives so close I see them every month or so...not the 18/24 months as is the case with some of my friends.
Anyhoo...for some inexplicable reason this friend decided to enclose a photograph of his children with the letter.
Why do parents do this? Are people really that proud of the fact that they have managed to have sex once or twice in their life? Do they really think anyone give a rat's arse? And whilst to the parent their child/ren are the most beautiful in the world...to the rest of us they are fucking ugly.
Please remember that I am a hetrosexual male here...Why on earth does he think I give a fuck about his offspring?...Christ! I struggle to maintain interest in my own most days....This is not to suggest that I dislike my own children...I honestly don't.
It's more a case of failing to see the usefulness of progeny. Since child labour laws were introduced stopping them from being sent up chimneys they are no longer as profitable as they once were. Indeed children could be considered nothing more than a drain on ones time, energy and finances these days. Although should I ever need blood or a kidney....
In saying all of this please remember that your children will choose your nursing home so be good to them.
6 comments:
Dave,
I promise never to send you picturesof my kids - but then I don't have any so that is easy....
Would a picture of my cat instead be too cheesy?
Okay, that's not an attractive kid. In fact, the kid looks very much like a cousin of mine. On the other hand, my children are beautiful. Photos are in the mail ;-)
Considering that you're heterosexual, I am surprised you haven't yet posted a photo of you with your typical hetersexual male subject... your car. I'm always delighted when viewing dating sites to see just how many proudly include photos of their toys; motorcycles, boats, atv, jet ski, monster trucks.
Welcome back. I enjoy posting pictures of my kids, just not too many. Some mean bastards like you don't like it too much and complain.
Dave??? Are you there???
Shandi? That's like a half beer/ half lemonade, right? Or what about a hand shandy? Moving away from names, right on with the anti-children movement. Granted, you've already gone and spread your wild oats, so you're not one to talk. Still, it's best to let the lower class continue their traditional reproductive past-times to create an abundance of Delta children to sweep chimney's and manufacture our mood-synthesizers and such. Ah, to be an alpha-minus once more...
children should be seen and not heard.
in that kids case. he should be not seen either.
hope he doesnt reproduce.
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