Kids, You Can't Beat Them...

I've spent the last couple of weeks looking after my eldest daughter. This was neccesetated by the fact that she finished nursery at the end of July and does not start school until tomorrow. I'm sure after a couple of weeks of hanging out with dad she will be delighted when the school bell rings.

I am now of the opinion that five year old children can solve the worlds problems if given the opportunity. Let me give you an example of why I believe this.

The following is an excert from a recent conversation between me and eldest daughter(ed) whilst walking along Byres Road.

ed - what's the man doing daddy?

me - he's fixing the road.

ed - why is he fixing the road?

me - because it's broken.

ed - why is the road broken daddy?

me - mainly due to central governments poor transport policy and their continued neglect of the infrastucture.

ed - what?

me - ok, there is too much traffic and not enough maintenance.

ed - how long will it take the man to fix the road?

me - given the local council's track record on these things he may be some time.

ed - what's the council?

me - it's the people we pick to run the city.

ed - Is that what you do when you go to vote?

me - yes and sometimes you make the wrong choice and end up with idiots.

ed - if they are idiots why do people pick them?

me - why do people watch television programmes like Big Brother and read tabloid newspapers? because people can be idiots.

ed - (and now from left-field) what's the name of the man fixing the road?

me - I have no idea.

ed - Why don't you know his name?

me - because I have never met the man.

ed - I WANT you to know.

me - OK, his name is John.

ed - Why is he called John?

and so on...

I once read an article that stated the average 4 year old will ask around 400 questions each day. Amateurs, ED can ask that many before breakfast. She is like a one woman Spanish Inquisition (and remember no-one expected the Spanish Inquisition).

This got me thinking. Each day by late afternoon I was mentally exhausted by the sheer volume of answers I had provided and would pretty much of agreed to anything if it bought me five minutes respite.

So my suggestion is this...if the UN is serious about solving the dispute in the middle east I would be happy to allow the leaders of Israel & Hezbollah to spend a day with me & ed. The only condition is that they must field her endless questions. By the end of the day she would have then agreeing to a permanent peace treaty whilst sobbing like a couple of little bitches.

And hey why stop there. Send round OJ. She'll have him singing like a canary in a couple of hours.

I'd like to apologise in advance to whatever teacher get the pleasure of EDs company for the year, she is a good kid, just a little inquisative.