I Drink, Therefore I Am

Well the summer holidays are almost upon us so I thought I'd take the opportunity to share with you some of my favourite places. Ladies & Gentlemen I give you

Davenelli's Top 5 Worldwide Bars

1. The Doublet, Park Road, Glasgow. Yip my home town is number one and rightly my local tops the chart. In a city obsessed with "style bars" I am delighted that this place has remained unchanged in all of the years I have lived here. It is a classic bar intended only for two things, drinking and conversation. This place is so out of touch with 2006 that it should be uncool. Strangely though this seems to add to its charm and has the result of making it ultra-cool. Clientel is an eclectic mix of senior citizens, students, journalists, musicians and people like you and I. Another bonus is that it is right next door to one of this city's finest Indian Restaurants, The Shish Mahal. Tip for the boys...you are not likely to meet the woman of your dreams here but you will enjoy some stimulating company.
2. Chateau Rouge, Jakubská 2, Prague, 1 Czech Republic. Chateau Rouge is a bizarre establishment and like nowhere else I have ever been. Located in the old town area of Prague it attracts a leftfield crowd who all seem to share a common goal. Sex, Drugs & Rock 'n' Roll. The party is driven by some ace DJs & a fantastic sound system. The last time I was there I spent the evening chatting to a 6'4" transvestite and his a-sexual sidekick who boasted 40+ piercings and a nice collection of tattoos. No idea when this place closes as the locals are always keen to buy the fresh fish Absinthe. Tip...If you have never tried Absinthe - don't. It's not big and it's not clever and the evening will end in tears, probably yours.
3. Churchill's Shack, Mobor Beach, Cavelossim, India. Named after the owner and man most often seen behind the bar this place is something special. If you check the word idyllic in the dictionary it will say "see this place." Located on a 10km expanse of sand Churchill's offers cold beer & great seafood at rock bottom prices. Run by two of the most genuine people I have ever met, Churchill & Chandhu, the company is good and the service first class. The only downside is that they will make you play beach volleyball with them, what a hardship ;)
4. El 21, somewhere off the Plaza Mayor, Central Madrid. A bar I only visited once about a decade ago and instantly fell in love with. A single doorway from the street leads you into a long narrow windowless bar decorated with posters of bullfights long since fought and provdes some much needed shelter from the stifiling heat outside. An ice cold bottle of Mahou and the obligitory tapas sets you up for a return to the outside world but a strange thing happens in this place...time disappears as the owner is happy to chat and you find yourself drawn into a conversation. During my visit we discussed bullfighting(naturally), Hemmingway(the owner was not a fan), Dali(the owner, like myself, was a fan) and football. Several drinks were consumed before I emerged blinking into the afternoon sun. I tried to return several times during my stay but on each occassion it was closed. If anyone knows if it is still in business please let me know.
5. The Hungry Duck, Pushechnaya Ul. 9, Moscow. Sadly this place has now closed down. I spent an evening here in the summer of 1998 and I have to say it was undoubtedly the wildest night out I have probably every enjoyed. I cannot even begin to describe the madness of this place but I did find this article written by the former manager which pretty much sums the venue and the city up.

http://www.exile.ru/feature/feature61.html

I've done the list so I guess I owe you a joke.

A sandwich walks into a bar and asks for a drink
The barman replies sorry we don't serve food.