As I have mentioned in previous posts my social circle has altered this year and taken on a new dynamic. As a result I regularly find myself in situations where I have to make small talk with creative people who enjoy “sexy jobs” and the associated pay cheques.
As you will know, if you’ve read my profile, I am employed in the banking/finance sector. I am not even fortunate enough to enjoy one of the more glamorous roles available in this field. As you can imagine this has led to some uncomfortable silences.
Me: yeah I saw your work at The Tate Gallery.
Him: what did you think?
Me: I liked the way you recycled everyday items and made them take on a whole new purpose forcing the viewer to consider them in a new perspective and question their pre-conceived ideas about functionality.
Him: what is it you do yourself?
Me: I work for a bank
Him: Oh…
Me: (desperately) but I appreciate the aesthetics of your art…
For this reason I have decided to “invent” an alternative occupation for myself to be used during these conversations.
As you will know, if you’ve read my profile, I am employed in the banking/finance sector. I am not even fortunate enough to enjoy one of the more glamorous roles available in this field. As you can imagine this has led to some uncomfortable silences.
Me: yeah I saw your work at The Tate Gallery.
Him: what did you think?
Me: I liked the way you recycled everyday items and made them take on a whole new purpose forcing the viewer to consider them in a new perspective and question their pre-conceived ideas about functionality.
Him: what is it you do yourself?
Me: I work for a bank
Him: Oh…
Me: (desperately) but I appreciate the aesthetics of your art…
For this reason I have decided to “invent” an alternative occupation for myself to be used during these conversations.
First Dilemma…which job to use? It obviously would have to be something that would not be immediately exposed as being a falsehood yet still sufficiently interesting so as not to kill a conversation stone dead. The falsehood aspect forced me to rule out musician, DJ, sculptor etc. This really only left writing and as this blog could tenuously be considered writing I thought why not?
Second Dilemma…what to write about? Journalism is obviously out as a quick google search would scupper that plan, novels likewise. So after much thought I have decided that I will be a restaurant critic. Most of them work in anonimity. Counting chef as one of my many previous occupations I am confident that I can talk about food in an appropriately obscure way to pull this off. And besides I look like a man who enjoys a good meal.
Third Dilemma…on revealing this as my “occupation” the supplementary question would obviously be who for? Again this requires careful consideration for obvious reasons. I have therefore decided that the only plausible answer to this will be airline in-flight magazines. These are totally disposable, always contain restaurant reviews, are changed on a regular basis and at the end of the day who actually remembers anything they have read in one of these?
So feel free to congratulate me on my new job as tonight I may be dining on...
Ballottine of foie gras marinated in white port, pickled mushrooms, toasted brioche, Cannelloni of courgette with ricotta and pine nuts, pickled girolles and a broccoli purée.
But then again I may have beans on toast.
Bon appetite.
