That's Entertainment

I have to admit that I am posting this against my better judgement, so don't be surprised if it is not here tomorrow.

It’s 31 October 1991, I am now twenty and attending a Halloween party. After several weeks of persuasion I have been worn down and agreed to don fancy dress for the first time since the events outlined in my previous post.

Events so far…My assistant arrived in the office with, appropriately enough, Tweedle Dee & Tweedle Dumb outfits. These come complete with school caps and excessive padding for maximum comedy effect.

As we had some time to kill we got a cab into town for a drink, in costume. We had a couple of beers at a city centre bar (where we know the manager, so we don't pay) we then borrow a dozen more from the stock (the party is BYOB) and head back to the party in another cab.

We get back to the venue shortly after 9 and it is starting to fill up nicely...so we grab a table towards the back, close to the band and are soon joined by a number of colleagues and friends.

Some drinks, some chat and a dance or two follow...then a few more drinks, a little more chat before a young lady at the table decides that I am the man of her dreams. She duly decides to make a move on me and as she is somewhat attractive I encourage her attention.

Anyhoo...the night wears on and it's getting late...myself and the young lady are getting on famously. At this point we decide that perhaps we should be alone...
My place is ruled out as it's too far away...whilst hers is out as she still lives at home with her parents.

So we decide to seek sanctuary within the building. We wander through the bowels of the property and find a store room...as there's no-one around and the only noise we can hear is coming from the party way back the way we came, we decide to enter.

Once inside the store room I slip out of the silly outfit and well you can guess what's going to happen...

I am in the process of dropping my underwear when the door opens and in walk two other members of staff to be met with the sight of my pasty arse.
It turns out that they had watched us leave the party and believing that we were off to liberate some stashed beer they elected to follow us.

How disappointed they must have been?

I suppose you could consider the whole sordid incident as being very much a cruel trick. Clearly not the treat they, me or the young lady had been anticipating.

Surprisingly I never did see the young lady again.

Add this to the previous tale and is it any wonder I dislike/fear fancy dress?

Hip Teens Don't Wear Blue Jeans

It is 1974; I am three and a half years old and I am at a Halloween Party at my Nursery School. I am resplendent in a purple nylon jumpsuit with sequins that my mother has made for me and in my hand is a little wooden guitar. Yes indeed, for today I am Elvis Aaron Presley aka The King Of Rock'N'Roll.

Unfortunately my outfit seems to be too convincing. The nursery nurses actually seem to believe that I AM Elvis. Indeed they want me to take to the stage and entertain the party guests with a song. I have made my reluctance quite clear yet they are still insistent.

Oh no…the heavy lady who smells of baby powder and sour milk is heading this way.
Hey lady what are you doing?
She has lifted my puny frame onto the makeshift stage and is now urging me to perform like some dancing monkey.
This can only end one way. Tears. Mine.
It will be seventeen years before I dress up again.