I’m a corporate whore! There I’ve said it but strangely I don’t feel any better for it. I work for an extremely large financial organisation which boasts interests worldwide. As an employer they are fairly decent. However two aspects of corporate living still sit uncomfortably with me. Namely the over reliance on acronyms and the bullshit expressions routinely spouted during mundane conversations.
As someone who has never knowingly “pushed the envelope, thought outside of the box, touched base, shared best practice” or looks much like they'd want to why do these people insist on speaking to me in these terms? And why do they pepper their speech with acronyms?
Having spent the last couple of weeks compiling a report which required talking to these morons I think I now know the answer. It allows them to feel superior to people like me that’s why. Yes it really is that simple. By discussing KPI, SMART, PRIDE, FSA, CIA, MTV and PEPSI they feel that they can cover their basic lack of knowledge by trying to baffle everyone else. In spouting this shite they are certain that everyone will simply nod sagely rather than challenge the content of their speech. Middle management beware Davenelli has rumbled your not so cunning plan. Soon you will be returned to whichever village is currently missing its idiot. Be afraid, very afraid.
As someone who has never knowingly “pushed the envelope, thought outside of the box, touched base, shared best practice” or looks much like they'd want to why do these people insist on speaking to me in these terms? And why do they pepper their speech with acronyms?
Having spent the last couple of weeks compiling a report which required talking to these morons I think I now know the answer. It allows them to feel superior to people like me that’s why. Yes it really is that simple. By discussing KPI, SMART, PRIDE, FSA, CIA, MTV and PEPSI they feel that they can cover their basic lack of knowledge by trying to baffle everyone else. In spouting this shite they are certain that everyone will simply nod sagely rather than challenge the content of their speech. Middle management beware Davenelli has rumbled your not so cunning plan. Soon you will be returned to whichever village is currently missing its idiot. Be afraid, very afraid.
And now the educational bit...ACRONYMS actually stands for Absurdly Contrived Representations Of Names Yielding Mass Stupefication. Ok it doesn't really, but it should.
A cracking list of stupid abbreviations can be found here
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