Gay? Don't You Believe It

This post is prompted by the video above.

I grew up in a small industrial town in the West Of Scotland. Which one is not important as in my experience they are all the same. It was the kind of place where men were men and women carried the bruises to prove it.

Due to the posturing macho bullshit prevelant amongst the male population the biggest insult at school was to question someone's sexuality and brand them gay, that's homosexual rather than happy.

Anyway, as a liberal kind of guy who has always been secure with his sexuality I never understood why this was deemed to be such an affront. I was discussing this strange situation with an American friend of mine and he told me a story of attending a wedding in one of those towns I mentioned earlier. M's tale was regarding the speeches at the function and centred on the Groom. As is tradition the Groom was expected to say a few words to the gathering, you know the kind of thing. However, instead of the traditional "On behalf of my wife...blah, blah, blah" the gentleman concerned stood up and announced

"Where I'm from public speaking means that you are a poof (slang for homosexual)" and promptly sat down again.

This got me thinking about some of the reasons I recall being accused of being gay at school and I thought I'd share a few of them with you.

Reading books

Watching movies that did not feature Stallone, Chuck Norris or the governor of California

Not drinking cheap cider/tonic wine in the park

Refusing to own nylon leisure wear

Brushing my teeth and generally having a decent level of personal hygiene

Attending class and passing exams

Admitting that I had never seen a Chuck Norris movie

Wearing a turtleneck and black jeans (ok I'll concede this one)

Visiting art galleries

Understanding that a trip to McDonalds does not constitute going out for dinner

Enjoying live theatre

So there you have it. If you find yourself in a Scottish small town surrounded by small minds don't admit that you enjoying anything other than fucking, fighting and drinking (ideally at the same time) and you should be ok. Display an interest in anything else and your are fucking gay and likely to get the shit beaten out of you.

p.s. if you know the young lad in the video clip can you let him have the number for Childline as he obviously has issues that need to be addressed.