Oh shit I hear you cry another pathetic piece from Davenelli on the nanny state. Well kiddies I'm sorry but you've guessed incorrectly.
This is actually a pathetic piece on the shite that is "Reality TV". An easy target I agree but somehow I don't feel that it makes it any less worthy.
Well Big Brother is currently on our screens again and I am deligthed to say that I have managed to avoid it completely. This is not difficult as I rarely watch TV anyway. I am however aware of the phenomenom that is BB. I am also aware of how utterly repellant and odious the programme and everyone connected to it is.
I would like to point out that I hold both the "contestants" and the viewers in equal contempt.
I'll start with a question for the viewers. Where is the entertainment in this shite? I mean just what is the attraction in watching a dozen wankers and wannabes sit around a house discussing nothing? Why not stop visiting your friends and instead stand in their garden peering in their window instead? Same result but at least you'll get some fresh air. In saying that if your life is empty enough to see BB as the highlight of your viewing year you probably have no friends and spend your life eating instant noodles in your squalid bedsit with nothing but a 60w light bulb for heat. Do us all a favour and stop watching. If you stop watching they'll stop making it.
Now on to the contestants. What a truly tragic bunch this shower are. It is truly pathetic to see a dozen humans so desperate for their alotted fifteen minutes of fame that they will undergo three months of ritual humiliation in the name of entertainment on the off chance that once outside they may get invited to a minor film premier. Each and everyone is a total waste of fucking space and contributes nothing to the world. Check out this years selection
http://www.channel4.com/bigbrother/
Remember this is the programme responsible for Jade Goody and for gods sake don't mention Chantel. For those of you who are not familiar with Chantel let me clarify things for you. Prior to her stint on BB she earned a living as a Paris Hilton look-a-like. Can life get anymore tragic than wanting to be Paris Hilton? I'd rather be a crack whore or a cold calling photocopier sales rep, in fact no forget that that I'd rather be dead. As for the Goody one she makes my old chum Forrest Gump seem like a NASA scientist. A true example of a filthy chavster. I bet she thinks Jim Davidson is a comedy genius.
To spice things up a little and improve what I understand to be flagging viewing figures I suggest that the production team provide each inmate with a handgun and let them play "Murder In The Dark" for real. In fact why not get the NRA to sponsor the show? These two really deserve each other.
As well as making for decent viewing we will have the bonus of ridding the world of at least eleven fuckwitts and leaving the scummy tabloids with approximately seventeen pages each day that they'd have to find proper stories to fill. We'd also quickly establish who was the most desperate for fame.
In fact if the producers do decide to go down the "Murder In The Dark" road I will waive all claim to royalties if I can select the line up for a special one off celebrity edition. Now let's see...Ian Wright, Jim Davidson, Jeremy Kyle, Trisha Goddard, Richard & Judy, Jade Goody & Chantel, Ben Affleck, Tom Hanks, Pete Doherty (I don't wish him any harm I'm just sick to death of hearing about his drug problems) and Heather McCartney Mills. My money would be on the estranged Mrs McCartney to be the last man standing from that lot. I also reserve the right to vary this line up at any time as and when new twats arise.
In my professional capacity I have had the misfortune of dealing with a former BB contestant. As well as being none too bright a little background check revealed that the gentleman was a truly odious piece of shite. During my dealings I managed to amass some interesting dirt on this scum bag. Sadly I cannot divulge this info through this medium, well not if I wish to retain my job, which for the time being I do. If however you meet me in a bar and buy me a beer I may be persuaded to fill you in.
What depresses me most about this is that I actually believe that by and large a nation will get the media it deserves. If this is the case we are trully doomed.
Could the last person to leave please switch off the lights.
2 comments:
I've reckoned for a while thats probably what Endemol are after.
I've managed to largely ignore it this year myself, I'm so proud.
I have never watched BB. Not once! I have never heard of most of those celebrities you mentioned. The only reality t.v. I could stand was Survivor and I haven't seen the last few seasons. That "Murder in the Dark" sounds pretty good. I'd be willing to pay for cable if you could get HBO to do the series.
Post a Comment